Here we go again...

No, not here we grow again.  This baby factory is permanently closed for business, thank you very much.

Here we "move" again should be the title.

Lots of explaining and updating to do, but yes, it's true.  M took a new (remote) job in November 2023 and that was the first step in the direction of moving.  We have wanted to be closer to my family for a while, and the girls had been asking to homeschool pretty much since we all returned to public school post-pandemic.

So... we are taking a leap of faith.  I quit both my jobs and in about six weeks we'll be moving to Washington DC area.  Where exactly, you ask?  Well, at this point I can't tell you exactly.  That's part of the big long story-- we will be staying with family for a while until we settle on where we'd like to end up.  A lot of factors will play into this decision-- affordability of housing being the major component, but also proximity to family, and proximity to opportunities for the girls like orchestra and dance.

Maybe I'll have time for a "story of our move/house" again at some point, but for now I'll talk about my feelings :) (and maybe throw in a few pictures of girls from lately).

Teaching full time these last few years has been simultaneously extremely rewarding and completely exhausting.  Like, next-level exhausting.  It's so weird that after quitting and saying many tearful goodbyes to many wonderful students and colleagues, I feel the most profound sense of relief I think I have ever felt.  Teaching these last few years has been difficult in new ways, and I say this as someone who has been teaching in some capacity for 20-ish years.  I hear it from my colleagues who have been teaching a long time as well.  Public education problems are difficult to solve, behaviors/depression/anxiety are escalating among teens and pre-teens, and resources and support for teachers seems to be almost decreasing.  It's a different world, and as my own children head towards finishing up their education (we'll have TWO in high school next year... how did this happen?!?!) I'm having so many deep thoughts about the future of education, the future of my children specifically, and how it will all play out for us and the world.

And yet it was really, really, really sad to say goodbye to my students, to hear them tell me what an impact I have had, and to tell them the ways they have helped and impacted me.  Simultaneous sadness and relief.  It has been very complicated.

My teaching job was particularly demanding, more so than any other music teaching job in my district.  Being the only orchestra teacher at the middle school level for the entire district, I taught at four different schools and had, on average, 8 concerts each winter and spring (a total of 16 concerts a year, but bump that up to 17 since we had a district-wide orchestra concert with the high school each year as well).  I also did a lot of outside events with my advanced traveling orchestra, like festivals and hockey games and town parades and extra school events.  These events were a lot of hard work and preparation, but always rewarding, and I always got great feedback about the concerts and my students always had a great time.  In the last year, I took on a church job as well, and really found a lot of fulfillment and success there as well.

Professionally, I was what one might consider a success.  When you re-enter the professional world full time after being part-time for a while and mostly mom, you have doubts about your abilities.  But it felt reassuring to get good feedback and to feel like I was doing a pretty good job.  And of course, I was providing income for my family in ways I hadn't been able to when the girls were smaller.

But I missed my family.

And not just my girls, but my parents, my brothers and sisters and sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law, and all my nieces and nephews.

My typical day was the crazy busy of a teacher all of the work day, then coming home and immediately getting my girls to all of their activities (and moms of pre-teens and teens know that there is something every day-- Friday was the only afternoon/evening when we didn't have a scheduled activity and that often filled in as well), then making sure everyone was fed, including our bunny, making sure we at least didn't leave any dirty dishes in the sink (but sometimes we did).  Then weekends meant doing at least 5-6 loads of laundry (although M is still the laundry warrior so I can't take credit for this... and the bigger girls now do their own laundry, thank goodness), planning and prepping a week's worth of meals (because do you think I have time to cook during the week?), catching up on whatever random chores need to be done, working at church for four hours every Sunday morning... and trying to find a small slice of time for relaxation.

Add to this the fact that with the new job, M was traveling more, and his travel destinations were closer to the mid-Atlantic.  Twice during this past school year he was away during a concert week for me, and so on top of the stress of pulling off concerts I had to handle all of the girls' many needs and transportations on my own.  I know, I know, #firstworldproblems... and there are many single parents who do this all the time, but... I just knew that this pace wasn't sustainable for me long-term.  If his travel schedule continued (which it will) it made sense for us to be geographically closer to the places he was traveling to, or at least for me to be more free to cover all the bases while he was gone.

When I did have free time, I was such a zombie.  After three years of this, the burnout was intense.  I was finding that all kinds of unhealthy habits were creeping into our family life, simply because we didn't have enough time or were so exhausted during any down time we did have.  Too many screens, unhealthy eating, not enough time outside...

And when you're 42 years old, you realize that time is short.  I don't have time to miss things or pick up unhealthy stress-coping habits.  I longed to be spending quality time with the people who mattered most to me, while I still could, and living my life fully.  All four girls were somewhat unhappy in their school situation (well... I shouldn't say unhappy, things were fine, and my kids do okay anywhere, but... well, when you have tasted the freedom and truly authentic educational experience that is homeschool, it's hard to go back to the institutionalized classroom).  I wanted to be with them more, and I knew I could give them a good education at home without some of the stresses that we were all experiencing in public school.

The pressure to make money and be financially secure is real.  Believe me, with kids that will be college-aged in the blink of an eye, I'm feeling that.  But each time I start to panic about it, I come across something in my homeschool research or podcast listening that encourages me to think outside the box.  We don't have to follow the cookie cutter American dream and live beyond our means.  We can find a balance between budgeting, planning, having enough, and stretching ourselves to save a penny.  Lord knows I have plenty of experience being a tightwad.  The world in which our children are becoming adults is changing rapidly.  There are many pathways they can take to success and I'm determined to help them find a way.  We will do it, and we will do it together.

Soooo... wish us luck!  Here we go!