2022

 Happy New Year, everyone.  A fitting day for an introspective blog post, is it not?

I'll start by giving you a quick update of the six weeks or so since we last talked.  It was mostly a blur of school and work for all of us, as has been the case this entire year since I started my new job.  We did have a lovely Thanksgiving with Grandma and Grandpa.

We enjoyed tons of outside time hiking the trails around our woodsy new home!

On Thanksgiving Day, we all laced up our running shoes and Team Saucy Cranberry (consisting of N, L, M, me, and our friend Sarah) rocked the race course first thing in the morning.

Our cheerleaders (Grandma, Grandpa, C and J) saw us through the starting line and then headed home to warm up by the fire and catch the Macy's Parade on TV.

Silly photos were needed, of course.

We also squeezed in a trip to our local science museum!

As any of you who have kids in school know, this year the Christmas holiday came right up against the end of school.  We all had school/work until December 23rd.  Our original plan was to leave for Delaware to be with my parents and siblings right after school on that Thursday, so that we could arrive late that night and be ready to celebrate with them on Christmas Eve.

On Tuesday we learned that M had had a COVID exposure from a friend he sang with the previous weekend.  We managed to get our hands on some at-home tests and planned to test on Thursday morning.  We did-- all six of us were negative!

Then we all went to school on that Thursday... and by the end of the day we had learned of two more COVID close contacts in our family.  The Omicron variant (we think? or was it Delta?) spread like wildfire through the schools in our district in that last day before break.  M and I talked on the phone towards the end of the day and made the tough decision to cancel our travel plans-- since we wouldn't know for a few days if anyone had gotten sick from those exposures.  We just didn't feel right about putting my family (including their unvaccinated babies) at risk.

And so, for the second year in a row, we were home-- just us-- for Christmas.  Thank you COVID.

I had a couple of hours of angry feelings about it.

Those angry feelings passed, we came to terms with the disappointment, and we settled in to enjoy our family time... and some much needed rest.  And rest we did.

We were all up early Christmas Day of course.

We enjoyed the usual cinnamon rolls, and I had some helpers to assist me in making Mrs. Weasley's Meat Pies (from our Harry Potter cookbook) for Christmas dinner.

It really was a wonderful day.

Around 4 PM that day I started feeling slightly congested and when I took my temperature it was slightly elevated-- not a full blown fever, but in the 99's.  I decided not to make the dessert I had planned (we still had plenty of Santa cookies) and took the rest of the day really easy.  I ended up falling asleep at around 8 PM... and sleeping right up until almost 8 the next morning.

The next few days were a pattern of the same thing-- going to bed early, waking up late.  It took a few days of this for me to realize just how exhausted I was by this first fall of full-time teaching.

I did test negative for COVID Monday morning, so my symptoms, I assume, were all about exhaustion.

Only today, after a full week of resting, did I feel capable of hosting M's family (and actually enjoying it!).  I'm also beginning to feel ready to wrap my head around the idea of jumping back into our busy schedule on Monday.

The stress of teaching this year has disrupted my sleep-- very often I find myself waking up at 3 or 4 AM on school mornings, my brain already jumping into the day, and I can't shut off the cycle of thoughts enough to get back to sleep.  This is definitely behind my exhaustion.  I'm hoping that it will get better as I adjust more to the schedule and the stress, or that I will at least find ways to manage it.  But I know that it will, to some extent, continue to be a struggle.  I've always had this anxious tendancy but with so much more on my plate and in my brain these days, it's become harder than ever to control that up-in-the-night cycle.

But today I feel a sense of peace about everything.  Seems weird, doesn't it?  There are certainly plenty of reasons to be worried and stressed.  Maybe it's just being rested, but... I have an overwhelming sense that it will all be okay.

As I said, it felt really good to host M's family today, and to see and catch up with them all.  I found afterwards I had the energy to clean up plus do a few loads of laundry, cheerfully and without any of the grumbling grumpiness I have felt about housework lately.  I found myself being thankful for my girls as I swept up their popcorn mess.  I remembered their kindness to our family, the cool conversations we have had in the past week, the time we have been able to spend together, and the wonderful things they've been doing in school this year, for which I am so proud.  The transition back to public school from homeschool had me worried at first, but all of the girls have just absolutely killed it and things have gone more smoothly than I ever could have imagined.  I found myself looking forward to seeing my students again, and looking forward to the things about my job that I do enjoy.  It was the first time in a while that I felt not-so-focused on all the more stressful parts of teaching in a pandemic.  I don't know where this peace came from, but I will take it, and hang on to it as long as I can.

So, where last year I started the year with a sense of loss, this year I strangely feel hope.  Or maybe just gratitude.  Gratitude for the many ways in which things are actually really great for me and for our little family right now-- they could definitely be a lot worse.  We are vaccinated, we are healthy, we are employed, we have a wonderful new home, and we love each other so.

Can't ask for much more than that.

Our love to you and best wishes for this new year.