Magic

I have days when the behavior of one of my children just pushes my buttons.  (Yes, it happens!  I love them but it happens!)  I can't understand why the rule that I have repeated thousands of times doesn't get followed.  I get tired of being the policewoman of sharing or the breaker-up of arguments.  I get irritated that morning chores have to take over an hour some mornings when they can get done in five minutes on others.  Or... I'm just tired.  I just want quiet for a while.  I want to be by myself without anyone in my face.  I get weary of the constant need to be the example of patience and selflessness.  I want a turn to be childish.  My own feelings of frustration get the better of me, and they fly out of the bag.  On occasion.  I'm human.

Many times, when I have those types of feelings, Ann Voskamp's admonition comes to mind.

Today

the moment when I am most repelled by a child's behavior

that is my signal to draw the very closest to that child.

Some days, it's just not possible to get one-on-one time with anybody.  Schedules are busy.  It's quite common that the day is all dishes and errands and laundry and school, and I don't even have a minute to sit down with all three of them at once, let alone find time to give undivided attention to anyone.

But when I do, it always helps.

Maybe it helps me more than it helps them.

The other Friday night, when I blogged about making cookies with L, was just one of those such days.

I was listening to Coldplay on shuffle play mode through my Spotify app.  Since they have been a favorite band of mine for many years it's always somewhat nostalgic to listen to old albums, since many of their songs remind me of the major events in my life that were going on at the time.

Like the song Daylight, which I heard lots in the car when I was driving to my nanny job through the summer after my junior year of college, and I knew I was crazy in love with M after only a few months of dating...

Ooh and the sun will shine
Yeah on this heart of mine
Ooh and I realize
Who cannot live without
Ooh come apart without

Or Don't Panic, which was on repeat during our two-year stint in west Texas just after M and I were married (I bought Parachutes to listen to in the car on the drive from Massachusetts to Lubbock right after our honeymoon, I think!)...

Homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for
We live in a beautiful world
Yeah we do
Oh all that I know
There's nothing here to run from
Cause here
Everybody here's got somebody to lean on

I bought Viva La Vida to listen to on our trip to DC and Williamsburg when I was 8 months pregnant with N, and so all of those songs bring back memories of Virginia for me, especially the title song which M arranged for a cappella choir and his high school kids ended up singing it in Williamsburg when we all returned there for a tour a few years later.

I downloaded X&Y just before I took a job interview, sort of on a whim, and left 8-month-old N with a friend for the day to drive up to New Hampshire and possibly take a job at a Suzuki violin school there.  It felt weird and unsettling, as I listened to What If? over and over, that I could decide to make such a drastic move...

Ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take

And I think you all probably remember my association with the song "Us Against the World".

Soooooooooo getting back to making cookies with L...

I think that night I made a new memory association with a Coldplay song.

I'm not too familiar with their newest album, Ghost Stories, but I think the song Magic must be their most popular because it played the greatest number of times on my Spotify shuffle.

And it was indeed a magical night.  We lucked out and were able to spend some concentrated time, just us, with no interrupting sisters (especially a certain baby sister who always wants to be picked up by Mommy) and no errands to run or dishes to do or Mama's job.  Just what the doctor ordered after a tough day.  An amazing connected time... hard to put into words, actually.

Call it magic, call it true

I call it magic when I'm with you

And I just got broken, broken into two

Still I call it magic, when I'm next to you