Then and Now

July 10, 2014

Then and Now

10 years ago today, I married my first and only love.

I was inspired a while back to do a "then and now" post and look back on some of our ways of life back in our early days of marriage.

THEN:

We were extremely young. M was 24 and I was 22 when we walked down the aisle. While we were, I think, fairly mature young folks and took things pretty seriously (even a little too seriously sometimes)... we were still young.

"Second Honeymoon" mission trip to Puerto Rico, August 2004

And immature. And insecure and not really grown into ourselves just yet. We were confident (even arrogant?) about many things, but still had a lot of learning and growing to do.

NOW:
We still have a lot of learning and growing up to do! In some ways it feels like we are still kids ourselves, but I know at the same time that we have grown up a lot.

On our anniversary getaway these past few days (blogging about all of that will happen soon, I hope!) M and I were discussing how we have both changed. I told him the thing that has changed the most about me is my confidence-- I have grown a lot in my ability to "shoot straight" with M and not be afraid to tell him when he has a terrible idea (ha!) I was a much more timid person in the early days of our marriage. He has helped me in a gentle way through the years to be more honest and clear about what I'm thinking, and to make my own plans and form my own ideas. Because I "stick up for myself" more now in my marriage, I am better able to do that in other areas of my life, and with other people and friends as well.

According to M, he has changed into "a better person" (his words). He tells me that I have helped teach him this (!!) He says that in trying to be a better husband and father, he has learned to be better to other people in general. (I think he was a pretty good person to begin with, but that's what he said so I must write it down, eh?)

THEN:

For about six months after we were married, we were pretty irresponsible financially. (We took a lot of things seriously as young people, but when it came to being in love and being impatient to just get married already, we pretty much threw caution to the wind.) We spent a lot of money we didn't have on our wedding, and a month after getting married we planned to move to Texas so M could go to grad school, and we had no plan for jobs or how to pay for all of this.

M's graduation, May 2006

When we arrived in Lubbock I managed to find a job as a bank teller. Financially speaking, this was the best thing that ever happened to us. I started to learn all about credit cards, I bought a used copy of The Tightwad Gazette on Amazon for 40 cents, and we started tracking our spending religiously.

NOW:

Over our 10 years of marriage, we have paid off a large chunk of credit card debt (within the first two years) two car loans, and a sizable chunk of student loan debt. We have a plan within the next year to pay off the remaining student loans.

We saved enough to buy modest house here in pricey Massachusetts, and if all goes to plan that mortgage will be our only debt by a year from now. Until one of our cars breaks down, of course. Next up... saving for college!

THEN:

We took our time for granted before we had kids. Because we had all the time in the world to get projects done, clean the house, etc. we procrastinated a lot and watched movies.

{In these extremely fuzzy Christmas photos, you can see our living room circa 2004. This was our Lubbock apartment, complete with TV, new DVD player (wedding gift), stereo and CD tower, and outdoor chair because we couldn't afford furniture. This is where we spent a lot of our time, consuming media and eating Bisquick pancakes. Those were the days!!}

Lack of time management also applied to physical fitness... we were fairly active, but we didn't have to plan it (no kids) so it didn't always happen. M rode his bike to school every day (a 2-mile round trip) and I went running 2-3 times a week. My runs were much shorter then-- I only did 1-2 miles usually. It was hot and I "didn't have the time" (haha). Plus working out was all about burning calories and staying thin at that time. Vanity was kind of my only motivation... as well as giving myself an excuse to eat a lot!

Me, ready for a hike on our honeymoon in the Italian Alps (July 2004)

NOW:

When we have free time (which doesn't happen too often), we are relentless with ourselves about using it well-- to the point where we tend to feel really guilty about "just relaxing". As a result, however, we are much more productive in general.

Thanksgiving soccer game, November 2013

We are also much more active (despite having less time), both on our own and as a family.

Chilly run together in Boston, December 2013

Thanksgiving Day Road Race, 2013

M and I both average 4-5 runs per week now, sometimes a long run on the weekends. M goes biking occasionally with friends, and I sometimes do pilates or body-weight training at home. My average run is about 4-5 miles, usually. Some might say we're crazy to spend so much time exercising, when time is a very precious commodity now that the kids are around. But I find it more and more necessary as I get older. For me, exercising is much less about staying thin now and more about having time for myself and being a healthy strong Mama who isn't a grumpy-pants.

THEN:

We ate out quite a bit for people who didn't have any money. As we tightened up our budget we did less and less of this, and as kids came around obviously we weren't going out to restaurants every night. As I learned tightwad cooking and grocery tactics there were a lot of casseroles, pasta, burgers and meat bought on sale. After 2-3 years of marriage I started reading a lot of my More With Less Cookbook (a wedding gift!) and we ventured more into vegetarianism and ate meat more occasionally.

Cleaning out the espresso pot on our Italian honeymoon

Our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, 2004 (with camera balanced precariously on top of the TV, eating in outdoor chairs of course)

NOW:

We have cleaned up our eating a lot. Having a child with digestive issues has really forced us to do this, but it has done wonders for M's and my health as well. We don't really follow any kind of specific "gluten free" or "paleo" diet (the fad these days)... we just try to eat tons of fruits and vegetables, limit wheat and eat a wider variety of whole grains, consume a variety of milks and cheeses (not just cow's milk stuff), and eat grass-fed meat once a week or so. We're not perfect all the time, and there are definitely unhealthy splurges, but for the most part we're eating well and feeling good.

Visiting our mountain, June 2014

THEN:

We did a lot of stuff together and didn't like to be apart. We sang in choirs together, had the same "couple" friends that we hung out with, exercised together, and mostly had similar interests. M was always a big proponent of "having a plan" and being super clear with each other about what we were doing, when we were doing it, and how each of us would play a part.

Hiking Palo Duro Canyon, March 2005

NOW:

Although I have grown more comfortable being by myself or pursuing my own interests (M, I think, has always been more comfortable with this than me) we still do a lot together. You'll notice that this post is full of "we"... and that's kind of the way we operate. We enjoy each other's company and don't want to be apart much. Sickening, I know.

Only now, instead of it being just the two of us, we just drag our kids along through our Brady Bunch kind of world. "Having a plan" really works pretty well when you're raising a family.

THEN:

We were silly and dorky.