Anniversary Update... and thoughts on Marriage

So, let me begin this post by sharing a bit about what's going on with my new job that I alluded to in the last post.

Basically M's company needed a teacher for their online AP Music Theory course, so I applied for the job.  They required that I get an initial teaching license, which means that I had to take two different parts of the Massachusetts teacher test.  I took the reading and writing part last weekend and I'll take the music portion on Saturday.

This new job solves a couple of problems.  Teaching online means that I can make my own hours a little more than I'm able to with face-to-face music lessons.  And since my violin studio isn't picking up in our new town as quickly as I had hoped, this teaching gig will fill in the financial gap for the time being, and any new students I can pick up will just be gravy.  Gravy is something we haven't had in a while.  We're looking forward to that!

So this week I'm back in college mode.  For one, I'm preparing for the music portion of the teacher test by completely re-reading both my music theory textbook and my music history textbook this week.  (I don't anticipate the test being terribly difficult, but I'd rather be over-prepared-- because taking the test costs almost $200, I can't take the chance of failing and having to pay to take it again.)  Also, there's an online course that I have to take (it basically teaches you to teach online) before I start my new teaching gig.  That course started Monday, and I may or may not have cried when I saw the workload for the week.  For some reason, the first week has 26 lessons plus several assignments to complete.  The rest of the weeks have somewhere between 5 and 11 lessons each, and a couple of assignments.  So once I get past next Sunday, the rest of the course should be a breeze.  This week, however, I'm spending every spare second I have in some form of studying.

So this morning, when M put his arm around my waist, kissed me, and said, "Happy Anniversary!" I replied, "Oh yeah! I forg--  I mean, um... {sheepishly} happy anniversary..."  This is the first time in our nine years of marriage that I've given that kind of a response.

Been a little preoccupied lately.

(Of course I didn't really forget.  It's been on my mind in the past few days.  I was just so consumed by my tasks in that moment that he caught me off guard a little!)

I've managed to get in about two hours of studying today, by getting up an hour earlier than the kids, and doing an hour of lesson-reading online while N was coloring and the other girls were napping.

So I'm calling it quits on the studying for a while to be mindful of my wedding anniversary by writing a celebratory blog post.

{I'll put you in a romantic mood by posting my pictures of some of the flowers that have been springing up in our yard lately.}

So here are my thoughts after nine years, outlined by some articles I've read recently on marriage.

The first was an article from Amy Dacyczyn's Tightwad Gazette.  If you've read this blog for any length of time you know that I channel this lady pretty heavily in my homemaking.  She writes:

In the 10 years I have known Jim (her husband) we have only had one real argument.  A few hours later he apologized and admitted he was dead wrong about the croquet rule.  Aside from this single shouting match... we enjoy remarkable compatibility. 

I have always believed that teamowrk has been our greatest economic asset.  It is about more than simply agreeing on how to handle money.  We do not need to expend energy "working on our marriage"... as a result we have maximum energy to devote to our common goals. 

Compatibility is more likely to be found than created.  A psychologist told me that whatever a relationship is in the beginning is what it will always be.  In other words, people can modify their behavior to a degree, but sweeping changes are rare... 

When you are dating, don't worry about making a good impression.  Make an accurate impression.  Spend in a way that is consistent with your income and values.  In doing so you increase your chances of attracting someone with whom you are most compatible.

A bit unromantic, perhaps, but there is certainly something to be said for compatibility.  Nothing will create a more lasting marriage than being with someone who shares your interests, goals, and philosophies.  And compatibility can certainly create romance.  Living with a compatible mate is like having a constant sleepover with your best friend.  Yes, compatibility can give you a fighting chance.

But then there's the aspect of how living together changes both partners... how you are shaped and refined and beaten down and strengthened by the challenges you face together.  This post over at Like Mother, Like Daughter explains it better than I can.

You don’t just come to a marriage fully formed and then proceed to experience things in a static way. No. You are in the process of changing, he is in the process of changing, and you also change each other. It’s calculus, not addition.

It has to do with things interacting in the dimension of time, like how your car isn’t getting the same mileage at every moment because you have to factor in the effect of the weight of the gas you’re hauling as well, which obviously is lessening as you use it. It’s only shorthand to express what’s happening as miles per gallon, just as it’s shorthand to say, “I’m like this and he’s like that.” You’re the way you are because he does certain things, and vice versa, and time (together) is a factor.

We hear a lot about how a mother bonds with her child, even on a hormonal level. What we don’t hear as much about is how the married couple bond, and how their bonds are forming not only by means of their physical relationship but even more by how they meet each challenge that comes their way. (You might even say that the physical relationship is God’s gift for smoothing the path of all those challenges!) 

In the first decade, every little and big thing is not only something to talk about and solve, it’s a way to bond – or fail to bond.

I've had a love-hate relationship with these hostas.  More hate, really.  But the flowers are pretty.

This has certainly been my experience in the first (almost) ten years.  No amount of compatibility can prepare you for some of the crazy stuff that life will throw at you.  But each time you succeed at weathering the storm, you grow stronger than you ever even knew was possible.

And THAT is the reason why nine years of marriage is WAY more fulfilling and exciting than the first year of dating.

Happy Anniversary to my only, who has weathered the storm of life with me all these years!  Thank you!