On my mind/thankfulness
Okay, so here's my brain dump! Ready?
* My grandfather passed away and the funeral was last Monday. We laid him to rest on a beautiful sun-drenched Veterans Day, next to his loving wife of sixty-one years... many sad things about that day in my mind, but many joyful and peaceful things as well. It's a bit hard to pull one's thoughts back from the realm of the eternal after all that... thinking about family... life... love...
* My work:
...trying to establish a studio of violin students in a new town, setting up a website, doing violin demos at preschools, looking into homeschooling co-ops that might have interested families. A fresh start is exciting, and I'm looking forward to "doing things right" and beginning some students from scratch. A fresh start can also be unnerving, especially when one's budget depends upon it. And marketing a dying art (?) to a new town in a bad economy is a possible challenge. We'll see...
...pulling together a December recital for my current students, and collaborating with another teacher. It's fun, but I'm also worried that people will compare my students to hers (in a bad way).
...been doing a bit of voice practice lately, and have fallen in love with singing again. I think fellow singers will understand what a physical, visceral experience it is to sing from your soul and feel that all is right with the world. Wondering if I could find a way to get paid to sing somewhere around here.
{I was really inspired by this today... I heard it on the radio on my way to a youth orchestra rehearsal, ironically enough! It's hard not to catch this guy's enthusiasm!}
* I feel like I'm drowning in housework and home management. M and I are working on a plan to help me feel less this way. I don't know what the difference is (I think it's a combination of factors)... but ever since we moved I feel like the to-do list for every single day is insurmountable. Trying not to feel like a failure.
{One example of this is the fact that last winter, even when C was a newborn and I was so exhausted, I somehow managed to make one of my favorite breakfasts for myself, almost every morning. I've been craving it for about a month since the weather's been colder, but I can't seem to squeeze an extra minute out of our morning routine to make it for myself. Again, I don't know how I had the time before back when I had a newborn, an 19-month-old, and a three-year-old, but somehow I have less time now.}
* Trying to successfully navigate my two-year-old through this year and learning how to discipline her in love. She is witty and clever and wonderful and... well... she figures things out and does things her own way. She just doesn't quite fit into the parenting box that I remember from N's two-year-old days. I'm finding what she needs most is quality time with Mommy, and after that I see a marked behavior difference. Because of the mountain of housework described in the previous bullet point, I'm having a difficult time giving her my undivided attention. She is a challenge and I love her so.
* Navigating N through her preschool years. Remember how last year she would wake up every morning with excited anticipation, hoping it was a school day? This year, she increasingly hopes it is not a school day, and faces them with a small amount of dread. Figuring out how to handle all of that.
* I have a crawling, standing, cruising, mobile baby who is getting faster every day and needs to be managed in increasing ways. Will there be enough of me for everyone?
* Establishing a routine for my girls' musical study is difficult-- not for them, but for me. Their enthusiasm for violin has not yet waned, but it is a big challenge for me to set aside my to-do list once every day and make sure they get at least a few minutes of practice. But boy, I sure don't regret the dishes that didn't get washed because I spent time helping them learn to play. Every practice session has been a special time so far.
Soooo... I could go on and on... I could probably write a separate blog post about each of those bullet points, and probably add even more bullet points too... but I'm trying (and failing) to keep things brief here.
There are some challenging things, but many good and exciting things too.
The funny thing is, I'm having no trouble entering this week in a spirit of thankfulness, despite everything that is on my mind. For some reason I feel very aware of the hurt and suffering in our world, and anything I'm concerned about seems very petty in comparison.
And so I'm trying (not always so successfully) to focus on myself a little less and pray for those in need this week.
Join me?
* My grandfather passed away and the funeral was last Monday. We laid him to rest on a beautiful sun-drenched Veterans Day, next to his loving wife of sixty-one years... many sad things about that day in my mind, but many joyful and peaceful things as well. It's a bit hard to pull one's thoughts back from the realm of the eternal after all that... thinking about family... life... love...
* My work:
...trying to establish a studio of violin students in a new town, setting up a website, doing violin demos at preschools, looking into homeschooling co-ops that might have interested families. A fresh start is exciting, and I'm looking forward to "doing things right" and beginning some students from scratch. A fresh start can also be unnerving, especially when one's budget depends upon it. And marketing a dying art (?) to a new town in a bad economy is a possible challenge. We'll see...
...pulling together a December recital for my current students, and collaborating with another teacher. It's fun, but I'm also worried that people will compare my students to hers (in a bad way).
...been doing a bit of voice practice lately, and have fallen in love with singing again. I think fellow singers will understand what a physical, visceral experience it is to sing from your soul and feel that all is right with the world. Wondering if I could find a way to get paid to sing somewhere around here.
{I was really inspired by this today... I heard it on the radio on my way to a youth orchestra rehearsal, ironically enough! It's hard not to catch this guy's enthusiasm!}
(Just for fun, I thought I would pause here to show you M's and my list of things to bring from this past Sunday. We dragged the girls along for two church services, and juggled them while singing in the choir, had lunch in the car, and then went straight to my youth orchestra concert after that. The girls were champions. When we got home at the end of the day, M wrote the word "VICTORY" at the bottom of our list. We were quite proud of our girls and ourselves for successfully navigating that day. Victory is right, honey!)
* I feel like I'm drowning in housework and home management. M and I are working on a plan to help me feel less this way. I don't know what the difference is (I think it's a combination of factors)... but ever since we moved I feel like the to-do list for every single day is insurmountable. Trying not to feel like a failure.
{One example of this is the fact that last winter, even when C was a newborn and I was so exhausted, I somehow managed to make one of my favorite breakfasts for myself, almost every morning. I've been craving it for about a month since the weather's been colder, but I can't seem to squeeze an extra minute out of our morning routine to make it for myself. Again, I don't know how I had the time before back when I had a newborn, an 19-month-old, and a three-year-old, but somehow I have less time now.}
* Trying to successfully navigate my two-year-old through this year and learning how to discipline her in love. She is witty and clever and wonderful and... well... she figures things out and does things her own way. She just doesn't quite fit into the parenting box that I remember from N's two-year-old days. I'm finding what she needs most is quality time with Mommy, and after that I see a marked behavior difference. Because of the mountain of housework described in the previous bullet point, I'm having a difficult time giving her my undivided attention. She is a challenge and I love her so.
* Navigating N through her preschool years. Remember how last year she would wake up every morning with excited anticipation, hoping it was a school day? This year, she increasingly hopes it is not a school day, and faces them with a small amount of dread. Figuring out how to handle all of that.
* I have a crawling, standing, cruising, mobile baby who is getting faster every day and needs to be managed in increasing ways. Will there be enough of me for everyone?
* Establishing a routine for my girls' musical study is difficult-- not for them, but for me. Their enthusiasm for violin has not yet waned, but it is a big challenge for me to set aside my to-do list once every day and make sure they get at least a few minutes of practice. But boy, I sure don't regret the dishes that didn't get washed because I spent time helping them learn to play. Every practice session has been a special time so far.
Soooo... I could go on and on... I could probably write a separate blog post about each of those bullet points, and probably add even more bullet points too... but I'm trying (and failing) to keep things brief here.
There are some challenging things, but many good and exciting things too.
The funny thing is, I'm having no trouble entering this week in a spirit of thankfulness, despite everything that is on my mind. For some reason I feel very aware of the hurt and suffering in our world, and anything I'm concerned about seems very petty in comparison.
And so I'm trying (not always so successfully) to focus on myself a little less and pray for those in need this week.
Join me?
Regarding your third bullet: you are NOT a failure. Not even close.
ReplyDelete