How is life with three children?

I'm going to answer that question in a roundabout way, so bear with me!

I just love reading C.S. Lewis.  What Christian doesn't?  He has such a wonderful, simple, beautiful way of explaining things.  Reading his literature (fiction and non) never fails to strike a chord deep within my soul.  The words he writes seem so... right.

I've always wondered if this was because he was simply a great writer, or because he was a former atheist.  It's probably a bit of both.  He took many years figuring out his faith; he spent a lot of time mulling things over before adopting Christianity.  It stand to reason that his apologetics would be well thought-out... systematic.  He has a way of expressing ideas logically that are inextricably trapped in the world of feeling and emotion for me.

Yesterday, I happened upon an author/blogger whose writing I enjoyed reading as much as Lewis.  Guess what... she's an atheist convert to Christianity (Catholicism, to be specific).  She has that Lewisian ability to explain things in a systematic way.  And she covers issues that I can relate to, being a wife and mother herself.

Check her out: www.conversiondiary.com

I spent some time browsing her blog posts last night and found many that struck chords in my soul.  One that I could particularly relate to was a post on how this author responds when the random stranger asks if she wants more children.  Take some time to read the entire post here if you're interested.

I'll quote the part of the post that struck such a chord that it made me cry, and I'll preface it by saying (as most of you readers probably already know) that my pregnancy with C was a big surprise and a 9-month source of worry for both me and M.

"When I was pregnant with our second child... I was diagnosed with a life-threatening blood clot in a major vein. It turns out it was caused by a rare genetic clotting disorder that’s exacerbated by pregnancy. My doctors told me I couldn’t have any more kids. Then, when that second baby was five months old, I got an unexpected positive pregnancy test. We were drowning in medical bills from the last pregnancy. We didn’t have insurance that covered pregnancy. The medicine to prevent clots would cost us $900/month. We didn’t even have our own house; we were living with my mom at the time.

That experience was one of my first encounters with that old saying that “every baby comes with a loaf of bread under his arm.” I first heard a version of that adage from a friend who grew up in a family of seven children in abject poverty in Mexico. Despite the fact that they never had enough to eat and were too poor to own even beds or blankets, she insisted that God sends down special assistance for every new baby. As God guided my family through our own time of difficulty, I was stunned by just now true this is. And I learned the lesson yet again when I had another unexpected pregnancy the next year.

It’s an exaggeration to say that I’m not ever afraid of welcoming new life into the world anymore — but I certainly have a whole lot less fear now that I’ve seen how powerfully God works in the lives of couples who are open to life."

How humbling to read that.

"Every baby comes with a loaf of bread under his arm."-- How true that has been for our family.  God has provided for us this year in ways we never could have imagined.

"God sends down special assistance for every new baby."-- In our little C, God has given an unexpected gift to each member of this family.

But He has given an extra special gift to me as her mother.  Before C came, it was easy to think that I was doing okay... my children were doing reasonably well, and it was because I was a reasonably good mother.  I had it all together.  It wasn't until I had to fully admit that I couldn't do what He was asking... that I couldn't care for another child... that I didn't have the strength... only then was I humbled and fully able to embrace the help of His strength.

If only I hadn't worried.  If only I had trusted that the Lord would give us everything we needed to welcome this baby, and SO much more.  If only I had known that yes, it would be difficult, but difficult was good.

Now, more than ever before, I experience the true happiness of servanthood on a daily basis.  I am "forced" into setting myself aside-- getting past my own petty need to do whatever I want-- and through this comes real joy.  This didn't begin to happen until I was stretched more thin than I thought I could handle.  Children will do that to you, you know!  (*grin*)

So... how is life with three children?  It is wonderful.  It is blessed.  It is hard.  M and I have been given the privilege of creating and nurturing not just children... not even just future adults... but human souls.  Eternal human souls.  It is a huge responsibility.  It is stretching, challenging hard work.

And I know deep within my soul that it is the work God has given me to do.