Big

Today, my biggest girl is 4.

How did this happen?

I know I'm always going on and on about how quickly they're growing up, and it's true... but for some reason, four seems like a really big step into truly "big girl" territory.

One example of this is N's sudden teenager-like sense of self-awareness.  M told me a story that illustrates this-- he was helping N write a letter, and as he named off the spelling of the words, she expertly wrote each letter without having to ask for help.  M was so proud of her that he clapped and praised her with great enthusiasm for writing so well, which our little toddler N would have loved.  But grown-up four-year-old N looked at him bashfully and said, "Daddy, you're being too loud."

So yesterday we had a very small gathering of friends to celebrate N's birthday with us (we'll be having family parties later on).  N selected some clown cupcakes that she wanted to make, and helped me decorate them:

They didn't turn out exactly like Martha Stewart's, but still pretty cute I think.

We rode bikes outside with our friends:

And we opened our presents:

Then we enjoyed a meal with our friends (N selected the menu: hot dogs and chips).

Birthday girl blew out her candles:

And then the dance party ensued:

After all of her guests had left, I scooped the tired, nightgown-clad birthday girl up into my arms for her goodnight hug.  I asked her if she had a fun birthday party.  She replied, "Yeah!" with a grin.  

Then she looked thoughtful, and continued, "But when everybody sang, and I blew out my candles, I... I didn't feel excited anymore.  I felt funny."  I suddenly remembered the bashful look on her face while we were all singing Happy Birthday.  "I wished... I wished it was somebody else's birthday."

There's our self-conscious four-year-old teenager again.

But the words coming out of her mouth were what amazed me the most... I thought it was a most insightful way to express shyness: wishing the attention were focused on somebody else.  Something that might come out of a school-aged child's mouth, not a preschooler.

And then I realized, well, she's almost a school-aged child now.

Wow.  That's Big.