Patience
Today, my patience with the girls is wearing thin. I can't think of any other reason for that except that I'm frustrated for not being Superwoman-- able to "do it all." Although you may not be able to tell by looking at my house, it irks me when things are disorganized, chaotic, and well, just plain messy. I also feel some pressure to be able to do it all, since I'm not working and I need to feel like a useful person. This makes me grouchy, and I take it out on my precious girls.
I was talking the other day with a friend of mine who had her third child around the time L was born. We were both nannies in college, and we were discussing why we were able to "enjoy" those children so much more than our own, and why back then we were rarely as stressed out as we are now. Probably the main reason was that we could leave those children at the end of the day and get a good night's sleep. But my friend brought up another good point that I hadn't really thought of before. Sometimes we have trouble enjoying our own children because they take us away from other responsibilities. I often find myself saying, "No, N, I can't pretend to go to the beach with you right now, I need to start dinner," or "L, I can't sit here and hold you just a few more minutes, because there's that load of laundry waiting downstairs." Or, if I do decide to build one more block tower with N, I allow myself to become resentful or stressed out because I wasn't able to finish the dishes.
So, my prayer today is that I will have patience. That I will allow myself to slow down and let the housework wait a few years. That I won't be frustrated if I'm not able to get the girls outside and in the jogging stroller so I can squeeze in a run before it gets dark (at 4:15 PM! Sheesh!) That I will remember and be thankful for the multitude of tomorrows I have to get things done. That I will be mindful of the privilege I have in staying home to watch my girls grow.
And God, if you see fit, please send me a bit of magic so I can snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and the nursery will be tidy.
I was talking the other day with a friend of mine who had her third child around the time L was born. We were both nannies in college, and we were discussing why we were able to "enjoy" those children so much more than our own, and why back then we were rarely as stressed out as we are now. Probably the main reason was that we could leave those children at the end of the day and get a good night's sleep. But my friend brought up another good point that I hadn't really thought of before. Sometimes we have trouble enjoying our own children because they take us away from other responsibilities. I often find myself saying, "No, N, I can't pretend to go to the beach with you right now, I need to start dinner," or "L, I can't sit here and hold you just a few more minutes, because there's that load of laundry waiting downstairs." Or, if I do decide to build one more block tower with N, I allow myself to become resentful or stressed out because I wasn't able to finish the dishes.
So, my prayer today is that I will have patience. That I will allow myself to slow down and let the housework wait a few years. That I won't be frustrated if I'm not able to get the girls outside and in the jogging stroller so I can squeeze in a run before it gets dark (at 4:15 PM! Sheesh!) That I will remember and be thankful for the multitude of tomorrows I have to get things done. That I will be mindful of the privilege I have in staying home to watch my girls grow.
And God, if you see fit, please send me a bit of magic so I can snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and the nursery will be tidy.
I know exactly what you mean. Here's what I think: right now, my job is child care/teacher of my own little one. And when my husband gets home at the end of the day from his day of work, if my son is well cared for, has taken a nap and been fed and been loved and hugged and disciplined and taught, then I have done my job. Despite the fact that I'd love our environment to be neater and tidier, I need to think of myself not as housekeeper, but as a working mom, who just happens to have her job at home. The rest of the stuff, we can split up when we're both at home. I still struggle with it, but it helps me (and my husband) not be so frustrated with the laundry that's not folded or the dishes that sometimes sit in the sink. Love you!
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